We often hear from men about this “once great” country—a country where women were handed off from father to husband not unlike a football, where we couldn’t open a bank account or see a doctor without the express permission of our husband. Well, it’s increasingly clear why the “good old days” hold such a romantic appeal to men today: A new Psychology Today article posits that modern dating’s higher standards for straight men have created more “lonely, single men” than ever.
Men are lonelier than ever as they struggle to meet the higher dating standards of modern women.
American psychologist Greg Matos wrote in recent physcology Today that the current state of young and middle-aged men’s love lives shows they need to ‘address a skills deficit’.
He said: ‘I hear recurring dating themes from women between the ages of 25 and 45: They prefer men who are emotionally available, good communicators, and share similar values’.
It comes as data shows dating apps are overrun with men – who represent 62 per cent of users – and figures collected in the US in 2019 showed more men than women were single.
According to Matos, these standards set by women are causing a relationship skills gap which will eventually lead to fewer dating opportunities, “less patience for poor communication skills, and longer periods of being single for men” – yikes!
“The problem for men is that emotional connection is the lifeblood of healthy, long-term love. Emotional connection requires all the skills that families are still not consistently teaching their young boys.”
But despite the terrible prognosis, there is a glimmer of light at the end of the dating tunnel, but it may be a tough pill to swallow for some men still swimming in a sea of toxic masculinity.
“Level up your mental health game. That means getting into some individual therapy to address your skills gap. It means valuing your own internal world and respecting your ideas enough to communicate them effectively. It means seeing intimacy, romance, and emotional connection as worthy of your time and effort,” as Matos so eloquently puts it.
Unfortunately, change is unlikely to happen overnight, but Matos notes that the key to transformation begins with men, but only if they’re willing to go all-in.
Suggestions on how men can lessen their chances of being single include seeking therapy, self-reflection, and establishing new and healthy romantic habits — starting from courtship — that are maintained through dating and onward.
