The number of possible paths anyone could take in this life are infinite, but the amount of time we have is not. By knowing who you are, it makes it much easier to discover which directions might be best to explore, and which might be better to avoid — as it can be a very individual thing. 

One of the most underrated elements of discovering who you are involves spending some quality time alone. If you’ve never spent enough time alone, you don’t really know which of your tendencies are coming from your true inner self, and which are merely habits you built as a reaction to your external environment.

Being alone isn’t the same as being lonely

It is important to remember that being alone and loneliness are two very different things. Loneliness involves being isolated despite wanting social connections, where being alone means taking time for yourself between regular social interactions. While there is a wealth of research pointing to the psychological downsides of loneliness and social isolation, there is an increasing amount of evidence suggesting that a certain amount of quality time alone is critical to well-being. Some things, this research suggests, are just better off being done by yourself without the distractions, opinions, or influences of other people.

Maybe you’re a person who absolutely basks in solitude. You’re not antisocial, friendless, or loveless. You’re just quite content with alone time. In fact, you look forward to it. That’s simply being alone, not being lonely.

On the other hand, maybe you’re surrounded by family and friends but not really relating beyond a surface level, which has you feeling rather empty and disconnected. Or maybe being alone just leaves you sad and longing for company. That’s loneliness.

Why it’s good to spend time alone

An online survey called The Rest Test showed that the majority of activities people defined as most restful are things that are done solo.

Despite the social stigma and apprehension about spending time alone, it’s something our bodies crave. Similar to how loneliness describes being alone and wanting company, “aloneliness” can be used to describe the natural desire for solitude, Dr. Coplan said. Since we’re not used to labeling that feeling, it can easily be confused for, and feed into, other feelings like anxiety, exhaustion and stress, especially since “we might not know that time alone is what we need to make ourselves feel better,” Dr. Coplan added.

Enjoying the benefits of time alone isn’t a question of being an introvert or extrovert, Dr. Nguyen said. More consistently, people who value solitude and who tend not to ignore their own desires in the pursuit of pleasing others will find time alone more enjoyable, she said.

The freedom of not having to follow the lead of others, with “no pressure to do anything, no pressure to talk to anyone, no obligation to make plans with people,” is a great way to process and decompress, even for highly social individuals, Ms. Roberts said. It also helps us discover new interests and ideas without having to worry about the opinions of others — one study even showed that teens are less self-conscious when they’re alone.

“Cultivating this sense of being alone and making the choice to be alone can help you to develop who you are, your sense of self, and what your true interests are,” Dr. Grice said. Knowing oneself makes it easier to find other people who share your passions, and can improve your empathy. It can also help you re-evaluate “filler” friendships: relationships you maintain because you’d rather do anything on a Friday night besides staying at home by yourself, even at the cost of spending time with people whose company you don’t enjo

Spending Time With Yourself

Spending time with yourself is a huge step in the right direction when it comes to being happy alone. Here are a few examples of how you can start today.

Do What Makes You Feel Alive

Spend some time considering what makes you happy. What was the last thing that made you smile? What are your interests? When was the last time you felt a sense of “awe?” Try making a list of these things. Make it a goal to come up with at least ten different things that make you feel happy. They can be as simple as sipping a mug of tea or planting flowers, whatever brings you a genuine sense of joy. Take a look at this list as soon as you wake up, and make an effort to include at least one item on your list in your routine each and every day.

Learn something new

Don’t be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone. If you’re not ready to pick up a new hobby or explore interests, make a point to go somewhere new each week. This could be a coffee shop down the street or in a distant town—whatever you prefer. You might find that exploring new places alone is very rewarding, especially since you can go at your own pace and follow your own schedule.

Take time to breathe

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. If you find that you are frequently feeling stressed, anxious or depressed, spend time each day to focus on your own thoughts and feelings. Start a journal; sit down and write down anything that comes to mind. If you let yourself write freely for half an hour of uninterrupted time each day, you may be surprised by what you come up with. Journaling can be a form of self care by helping you reach the core of emotional problems, and you may find that you learn something new about yourself each day. Writing also acts as a form of release, so stress and other emotions that you may have been holding onto for a long time can finally be expressed.

Set new goals

A lot of larger life goals can seem extremely daunting, especially when focusing primarily on the very first step. The trick is to start small. As an example, if you want to run a marathon, don’t try to force yourself to sign up for one and complete it in one fell swoop. Instead, start to train. If you’re not a huge runner, that’s totally fine. You can start small by power walking around the block a couple of times a day. When this gets easier, try going for a jog around the block. When this becomes easier, try for a mile. Then try to continuously beat your time. Every week your body and your form will become stronger, and before you know it, you’ll be able to run that marathon with ease. For most people, this method of small steps for any of your goals will help boost your self-confidence, and give you the motivation you need to reach your larger goals.